Darth Chretiens special report to Emperor Dion on the loss of the Death Star.

Darth Chretien: Did my 30,000 cuts effect the plight of the death star.




Darth Chretien: As you know your excellency Darth Dion because whiners didn't want to pay enough taxes we were forced to delete the death star regiment from the Empires order of battle.

The cut backs to our military while taxes were going up caused many issues. Our personnel were worn out, tired, unable to go on courses because they were always on operations, unable to load the turbo lazers without consulting the sexual and harassment prevention training manuals to see if they were a phallic symbol and had no place in our fleet.

Then we were forced to stop all new hiring until proper quotas of wookies could be reached even though they are on the other side. When we did hire those who deigned to show up for the job we had to pass them all even though no one could understand what they were saying and they kept shorting out any electrical appliance they went near. To be sensitive to their culture we were not allowed to tell them to wear clothes, we were never sure if the shorting out was just sabotage or because of their fur getting into everything. So even if the death star was destroyed your excellency, the empire upheld the principle of affirmative action. After all is that not more important than the deaths stars survival?

Then there was the gun control issue, like all good dictators we stripped our citizenry of every blaster we could find, then when these pesky rebels show up the few remaining politically correct troops we did have had nothing to shoot at them with, but we would rather the bodies pile deep than to allow our citizens to have guns there's a principle at stake.

Sure we could have hired more soldiers if we weren't paying so much for them to speak Alderannish. But what's more important more soldiers or or giving them more money for speaking like we do on Alderan. I don't know why people even bring up something like that. If half the death star garrison was on course learning to speak a language hardly any one uses it is all for the best of our fighting forces.

In conclusion, yes I Darth Chretien cut some 30,000 military positions, yes we lost the death star but we upheld political correctness which is the higher goal! So on the surface it might look like we lost to a rag tag bunch of rebels but, if one looks deep down one can see the only real reason is a lack of funding, Darth Dion your excellency we need to raise taxes! Also get those Alderanish speaking soldiers off our streets, eh.

Darth Dion: Taxes, [then he paused for effect] heh, heh, yes raise taxes, we'll raise the GST back to 7% and even on food. Not even Prince John who made the Magna Carta, taxed food. Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh,